I don't know what to do.
I have been having myself in this state for so long. I know I'm not alone, and I know that my family are always there to help me to deal with my uncertainties. but how are they gonna help me, when we never had a real and serious conversation before? and this is one of the factor that pushed me into emoness. repeating the same routines everyday made me had the thought, that life is meaningless. I had waste my years in high school, I had waste my time on fooling around like a kid. and now, everything seemed so out of reach. even though I tried to get them.
my family wanted me to be a real man. and I want it either. In fact, I told myself that I must do something to overcome my family's financial problem at the moment, but I can't do anything. everything is out of order. and it saddening more when I discovered that I ain't going nowhere... I'm stucked. unlike all my cousins that leading a carefree life and pursuing their dreams here, or overseas, I'm going nowhere in no time. I had to say, I'm useless and disgraceful. shame on myself. but I don't care, honestly. and this made my family started to give up on me. I know, my own fault. only if I got strong determination.
you might have no idea on what am I talking about. even myself are not sure what I'm trying to tell. like I said, I'm a mess. and, you'll have to notice by your own if I have any updates next time. I don't wanted to be categorized as an attention seeker.
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