Back to school.

like I'm the one going to school, lol.

well apparently school day is here, again. and most of my friends are going to further their studies in either private colleges or local universities, while I'm still working to earn myself some little money. even though I wanted badly to go study in school, the only thing that I need to do now would be WAIT. wait, and wait again.

clearly I've told my father that I'll be needing exactly a year in order to reach the requirement of proficiency in French. and only then I may proceed to public universities there, and I got not much time to get my passport renewed, translate my birth certificate and apply for the Visa. oh, and contact the campusfrance guy to help me enroll for a school there.

there's nothing else can I do other than wait. procrastination is extremely common in my family. yeah, I haven't get my bike license yet by the way.

*sigh*

GG-ed.

I got my "bitchiness" from GG.

and I can't missed a single episode of it.

if I'm allowed to watch it 24/7, I'll watch it 48/14.

I love Blair the most.♥

haha, I know! I know it's pretty annoying, and disgusting that a big guy like me are so into GG but, hey, who says guys can't watch GG?

anyways, it's fun to watch. for those who has never been in any drama, yet, this is a good vessel to educate yourself. watch and learn, this can help you to prevent yourself from being drag into all the fugly dramas when you're "old enough", or, at least save yourself from being kill by it, lol.

and so, XOXO

What a life.

"when was the last time you laughed from the bottom of your heart?"

this is definitely not a question for myself since ages ago.

everyone knows that I laughs a lot, but they never doubt whether I'm laughing naturally, or am I just forcing out a laugh.

yeah it's true that no one will ever care, that you're having problems or not.

face the reality. they won't stop moving on just to pay attention on you. wei yoong, it's time to wake up.

apparently I've been thinking too much lately but the fact is I'm getting more and more irritated, and I got the feeling that I'm might not be who I used to be in the past. for quite some while, guilty is all I can feel; guilty for being ignorant, guilty for being arrogant and much, much more. I may not show how I feel in front of the people, but sometimes that feeling hurts me so bad that I would think I should be send into asylum.

no harm to sound serious. I've been in a joker-mode for so long and everyone thinks that I got nothing to worry about. I'm indeed a happy-go-lucky type but I've got some issues to deal with, too. seriously, if I'm really that optimistic, I'll be spending my time in a nuthouse right now.

thing changes, people changes.

all good things will eventually come to an end.

although I tries to enjoy my life all the time, life just can't stop throwing lemon into me. and every time I made it a lemonade, exhausted, here comes another...

I wish I can be.

many asked why would I like to be a chef in the future, well I can't tell, really.
I'm indeed quite fond of cooking and I developed enough amount(?) of passion in cooking when I was still a kid, I suppose? yeah, I've been watching Jamie Oliver cook years ago and he inspired me a lot I tell you guys. for sure, I love cooking, but I hate to wash the utensils and buy ingredients by my own money. and my mom wouldn't allow me to cook no matter what. fearing I would cut myself and burn the whole kitchen. sigh...


anyways, let's hope that I'll be famous one day and I'll be able to cook without washing all the utensils I used and buy all the ingredients by myself, then, I'll cook for YOU!


XOXO

Another Random-ness.

I'm free as hell at the moment. well apparently my blogging urge is fading gradually. and, mind not that, it's another session of random talk, again!

well, it's exciting to see all the fellows my year got accepted into local universities. yeah, "EXCITING" I mentioned just now and I'm obviously being bitter about this. anyways I'm not that frustrated like the others who got themselves accepted in nowhere; what I'd studies in school are equally to nothing at all. not accepted by local universities are not a big smack on my face though. and frankly I'm a bit proud of my results(I got a pass after all), although I should be ashame of it, lol.

football fever. I'm not a big fans of football but I just can't resist myself from watching it and throwing out all the F bombs after seeing my team England did something stupid and missed the goal. oh, not to mention team France broke my heart too after they got a double Zeros. I mean, how could they lost? They've got terror players in it yet they scores sucks! well, what to say? They're old already. *tsk, tsk... poor Cynee, let's hope they can make it through the qualifying round.

Ignorance.

being ignorance's a bliss.


hell yeah, I found this is extremely useful sometimes. for instance, there's someone who commented something nonsense on my page in Facebook and when I replying all the comments and skip his, the next time I get back to that post, his comment would "vanish". how cute of him. I think he just can't accept the fact that he's no longer in my concern. heh, funny.


my dear,what goes around comes around.
enjoy the hit of Karma.

Goodbye grandma.

time flies. it's already Thursday, and 3 more days will be one week after grandmother's death.


well, apparently everyone was in grieve but there's nothing we can do as we've already predicted her death will be soon, right after we've heard the news that she had lungs cancer about half a year ago. and all of us had got ourselves prepared for the worst.


okay, I'm sad too, of course. and although I'm not grandmother's favourites, she did praised me a lot and I treated her with respect.
she was a tough and stubborn woman.


let's go back to Friday where my mum received call from my youngest uncle, saying that grandmother's in critical state now and thus, mum decided go back to Ipoh on Saturday. reluctantly, I agreed at first but now I'm glad, and relieved that I'd followed them. at least I'm with her when she breathed her last breath.


Saturday, when we reached, what we saw was grandmother lying on her bed in the living room with breathing tube inserted. she looked frail and so sick that she can't even open her eyes, or move. uncle said she has been like that after coming back from hospital. she can't eat, she can't talk and it's heart-breaking when I look at her. shortly after our arrival, she was forced to sit and feed with water only. it's been a day since she had her last dinner. mum sat beside her, fed her some water with a syringe. her unconsciousness made my mum worried more, afraid that she can't recognize us so she called her for numerous times and for seconds grandmother opened her eyes and then closed it back again very quickly, mum choked with words and sobbed.


Sunday afternoon, after we had our lunch, the youngest aunt came back, when she discovered that grandma had nothing to eat for past two days, she went furious and cried. yeah, it was tension, we, the youngsters can really do nothing but watch and cry. she asked the ambulance to take grandma to hospital, saying that there got nurses to take care of her. the rest agreed without a word. the ambulance took some minutes to reach (when I said some minutes, I mean more than half an hour). all of us in the living room, watching grandma being checked and then when that nurse came back again, she's gone.


too much of stories, too little time to tell. grandma's only regret was, I think, one of the uncle can't get back on time. yeah, tears shed and now, all her left are memories.




we often says we'll appreciate everything around us but we never did.

Sunday

Stayed at ipoh for few days. Grandma passed away on sunday, approximately 2:30p.m.

Random thoughts.

everyone knows, I'm just way too much of a talker. sometimes, even me, myself can get irritated of me, myself for talking that much. but, I'll have to say, everywhere I goes, there's no silence, and hey, it's a good thing as I keep everyone entertained, or irritated.  okay, I know, not really a good thing to talk that much. so, time to seal off my mouth(and hands) from crapping non stop here.

okay, now back to what I was thinking this few days(or weeks as I don't remember since when I'd been so into thinking something random) what if this, what if that. I've been neglected my brain pretty long ago and now it was like uncontrollable, tonnes of stuffs are being scan and analyze automatically for no particular reasons. there is one thing that gave me some sleepless nights, okay, old case in high school. yeah, I know some are my faults undeniable. but is being straight forward a crime? quite frankly, I appreciate those who speaks truth rather than those who play with words. and I know that no one likes to hear when it is not flattering but does it hurt to know the truths? why they find it's hard to accept criticizes? I don't get it.

story goes on, my days in high school aren't that dull actually. I met friends, I joked with teachers, it was like a little-bit-downgraded version life I have to say if compared with life in secondary school's but overall it's a... well, not bad one. and, great, misunderstanding ruined it all.

time passed, and people changed. as I'm getting older(sounds like I'm already an old man. LOL) I realized, there are all kinds of people lingering around; freaks, fashion icons, good guys and mean ones and what I hate the most will be those people who think they are good in everything. it's sort of frustrating that I can't name out them here. and I'm afraid you guys have guess who they really are 'cause I'm not going to tell, at least I told myself not to get involved in any gossip.

and, I found that saying serious sorry to someone is so difficult! of course I wanted to apologize to some I hurt once but you know, unlike all the western people, I'm living in this hell that never says sorry. even when I got the feeling to be kind to them, ego stops me. damn my stupid all-I-care-is-my-dignity factor. well then, since apologizing is that hard, I decided to give life here a bitchy smirk and continue to be a bitch mean. blame me not, blame the life.

xoxo

Why blog?

okay if someone ask me, "why blog?" I'll say I blog to gain attention from the world.
nah, I blog for nothing. or, more likely, a self-indulgence. LOL
there's so much of things happens and so little time for me to slow down and enjoy! thus, I decided to make notes to remind myself in what I'd actually did and feels in everything. (although I'll only update when I feel the urge to, or when I'm darn free)


what I thought is, memories are important and I'm sure that no one can afford to lose any piece of them.

Another rubbish.

I simply love this picture.
I like the way he knock his head on the bed,
and he's got mental problem, and not to mention his old-man-style-backache.
There's nothing else can make me happy other than seeing this unbeatable-dumbass doing something stupid.

Shino See Chia How, a super duper dumb dumb.

 

Turned 20.

5th of June, Saturday,
 my dear Willie's birthday.

he has been complaining bout he bought me meal for my birthday last year but I bought him nothing in return during his birthday so, for the very first time, I decided to treat him something even better, Japanese buffet in One Utama.(seriously I'm so petty that I never treat anyone a meal before). he said he's an avid bitch so I think this would be the best for him as I think he's going to finish all the food as much as he like, and I can save some money. I mean, hey, it's buffet meal, and you can eat until you explode and I don't have to pay the bill according to the dishes ordered. somehow the price was unexpected and I paid "highly" in the end, all thanks to the King's birthday, the price is higher than the normal one.


for reasons unclear, Willie has been my best pal for already 13 years though we were like some sort of enemy back to the days in Primary One. Oh yeah I remembered. He just can't admit that he lost to me in everything and oh, I mean everything, and I'm pissed off with his mama boy attitude so I attacked him with words. as the result, this spoilt baby called his mom and give me a hell of lecture in school.

it was the old days and after the incidents, we're like brothers to each other til now unlike all the primary school's friends, which I used to labelled them my good friends. pretty sorry that things turned out this way but as I always says, making friends isn't about quantity, is quality that matters.

back to the topic again, Willie,(he hates to hear we call him Willie a.k.a Willy) got himself bunch of food and ended up can't finish them. later, we went for movie.

seriously this is a movie for kids. piglets doing synchronized dance, magic wand and etc. okay, I like this kind of movie. even though I'm a bit old for it. Harry Potter, Narnia, Water Horse, Spiderwick are my favourite movies. and I don't care what Lauren Heng says. he's just jealous of my perfect sense in kiddos' movies. I LOVE NANNY McPHEE.

before movie we went for shopping. Willie's got a magic card,(a card that you can use to buy things without using cash) and he doesn't want to use it much. I called him petty boy.

look at this photo. obviously I'm standing behind, so I'm not the one who comes with the idea of taking picture in the fitting room. I mean showing off their lovely faces in the fitting room. 


oh for reasons unclear, again, I forgot to mention Lauren Heng eh? yes we went for lunch and movie together. he was awkward that time I don't know why 'cause when there's only me and Lauren, he's extremely talkative and bitchy. I think maybe it happened because of Willie-effect. oh Willie I think you should call or sms Lauren to update yourself more often, so that next time he will become a complete bitch like me you.


lastly, xoxo

Bored-ful day in office.

I'm a good boy today.
I've done all the pending invoices and tellied the account for purchasing and sales.
well you see, there's two auditors from Japan I guess came by today in the office and check all the account. I was told by not to go online, as we have to give "good impression" to them, and then I realize, you can finish your job a lot faster if you didn't go online! Yeah like I never knew!


soon enough, I'd issued all the invoices and, ta-da, I got nothing to do for the rest of the working hours. lol
well then, since I'm so bored I decided to sneak online. oh gosh you'll never know how panic I'm when the director's walking here to there. (my pc's facing the darn glass that exposes everything I'm doing).


and apparently, I tried my best not to on my facebook as I don't wanna get distracted even though you can only speak to the wall when you're on it! somehow I on-ed it and close it very soon 'cause there's no any notification that concerns me. check into blogs that I'd lost contact with and I discovered this. how gay! I laughed hysterically when watching it.

calculated, I've been working for 2 and a half months here and at first it's kinda frustrating and annoying, as I'd got to wake up early in the morning and work with no peers. it's boring and has been awfully dull my life became after the first month of working. and now, 2months++ past and feel like already get used to it.... well, frankly, not get used to it actually, I work 'cause I got no more money to be spend. and I got so irritated to accept the fact that I'm poor!!

never mind, time goes by quickly, I'll most probably work until end of the month, or longest, by the middle of July.

Great people with Jerk Parents

they said, "many great people have jerk parents,"
thus, the conclusion will be:

Great people have jerk parents. 

 Lousy people have great parents. 

My parents are neither jerk nor great; and does it mean this makes me an ordinary man for the rest of my life?

but I'd swear I'm going to be famous one day......

Grown Up.

I often argue with my parents especially my father. is there anyone that are able stand their parents when they scolded you for nothing? yes, misunderstanding occurs almost everyday but they never try to communicate, nor apologize when they did something wrong, plus I'm short-tempered and this worsen the situation every time.
about my mom, well, she's not highly educated and that made her a lousy listener so she gives me cold shoulders every time I tend to talk to her. She's sarcastic ! and I know I can't expect her to be sophisticated like some moms out there and in the end I decided to give up in having conversation with her.




As my age increases, my resentment grow as well. leaving home and spend night over friends' place aren't fresh to me anymore. pressures given by the family, not only from parents but from uncles and aunties as well are driving me crazy sometimes. they wanted to sculpt a successful figure in the family so they demands everything to turn up perfectly. I'm not a rebellious kind of person so I listened to them all the time, with a stiff smile on my face but I wonder if they'll ever notice that I know well what am I doing actually?


Growing up in a big family ain't easy. you'll have to care about everyone's feeling and behave very carefully so that you won't be talked behind.


I'm 20 this year. I've been closing one of my eyes all these time, and tried to follow their commands blindly. I know that the intention was good, but I want to do what I like to do. I skipped the family gathering lately as I don't want to be lectured on what or how should I do in order to be success in the future...




and HELL, I hope they won't see this.

Regret.

I should have now still sleeping, only if I did not promise I'll work for another month.


only if, only if.
it's sucks to be here, for another month.
and I keep on remind myself, " I'm doing this for money, I'm doing this for money "
only god know how pain my back is while sitting whole day long in front of the monitor.